Day one of fasting was a wonderful day. I woke up at 4 am and almost RAN to the kitchen. I delighted in every bite of my left over indian food and gulped down two full bottles of water. Despite how exhausted I was, I felt invigorated! Throughout the day, my excitement over my new journey overrode any discomfort I was experiencing without food and water. I felt like I was a superhero all day long. I sat next to my father as he ate the most deliciously fragrant Thai beef soup. The smell made my mouth water for about thirty minutes straight, but the pride I felt at overcoming that particular challenge tasted better than the soup would have.
By the time the sun had set and I was ready to break my fast, I felt like I had really done well. I thought, “What was I thinking? This is going to be easy!” I guess this is why so much of my research had stated again and again that pacing yourself was the biggest key. It hasn’t been so easy since then.
Yesterday in particular was an overindulgent day. I had read in my English translation of the Quran that fasting was not done during sickness or travel. As I was flying from Philadelphia back to Miami, I allowed myself to eat WAY too much throughout the day. I gave myself all kinds of excuses to make myself feel better about it. “Well, the AC isn’t working so I would pass out if I wasn’t eating!” “I’ll make up for it after, so it’s okay.”
Despite my excuses and my lack of technical rule breaking, I did not feel good about it. I felt the weight of every bite of junk that I had eaten throughout the day. Today, back in my own home, enjoying my day off from work, fasting is HARD. I feel the rumbling in my stomach. I am so aware of the dryness in my mouth. I’m staring at the glaring “2:12” on my clock and wondering how I’m ever going to make it more than six more hours.
I can’t decide if I should start cooking or not. In my last trip to my kitchen I nearly convinced myself to devour EVERYTHING, but I have retreated back to my room to continue resisting. All I know is that if I don’t make it to sundown I will feel so disappointed in myself. If I continue fasting, reaching 8:15 is going to feel great. That alone is enough to keep me going today (and hopefully for about 16 or so more days). I will not allow myself to give up!
On a more positive note, the lack of self-indulgence in my day has led me on a path of productivity instead. I feel as if time is endless today. I have all the time for all of the projects and errands that I’m always putting off. Next up, I’ll challenge myself by heading over to pick up my groceries for the week. Wish me luck!
I will spend the remainder of my day reading the Quran and continuing my research until I find the strength to start cooking. I can’t wait to put my creativity for food to use. I will make this dinner a work of art rather than the lazy, sloppy meal that I usually throw together.
I feel that Ramadan is really about taking each day as it comes. As they say, “Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.”
ncexploringfaith 