For me, the weeks and days leading up to Ramadan are filled with hope, enthusiasm and determination. I look forward to the days and nights of tranquility, and a sense of unity among the ummah, worldwide. I long for the shayateen to be locked up, so that I can begin my soul searching and be steadfast in my worship. Just the thought of having the chance to improve myself and gain both reward and forgiveness seems to relieve my heart and make me happy.
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For a (former) hedonist like myself, food is not just about survival. I truly enjoy each taste and texture that I experience when I eat. If I’m really loving the experience, I eat in little tiny bites so as to extend the pleasure.
Ramadan has not diminished that need or pleasure at all. I thought it would. I was sure that after more than 15 hours of fasting I would want to just eat the quickest thing I could find. It is quite the contrary.
Ramadan has instilled in me a new love for flavor. Last night, I began my Iftar dinner with a banana-avocado smoothie. It was the perfect combination of sweet and light. I had to stop myself from licking the glass.
I thought food was going to be the hardest thing to give up during the day, but in this hot Miami sun, all I can think about all day is how badly I want water. That smoothie quenched all my thirsts and wants, but it was light enough that it didn’t immediately incapacitate me as anything heavy would have done.
After acclimating to food/drink again, I made a delicious plate of rice and honey-vinegar teriyaki chicken. The contrast of the strong flavors on the chicken was like a symphony in my mouth. It was such an intense sense of pleasure.
I feel that breaking fast shouldn’t involve binge eating. It’s not about eating as much as you can stuff into yourself just because the sun has set. After all this entire holy month is meant to highlight the importance of moderation and self-control. Am I missing the point?
Therefore, I am enjoying focusing on fitting the best combination of flavors into healthy, well-rounded meals. Rice, chicken, vegetables, fruits, dairy, and other such necessities provide us with the nutrients and energy that we missed from the day of fasting.
I honestly thought that Ramadan would get easier as time went on. Oh how wrong I was about that! Every day is harder than the last, and the end of Ramadan seems so far away. My feelings of accomplishment grow stronger still as long as I can remind myself that’s it’s worth it.
10 days down. 20 more to go.
Day one of fasting was a wonderful day. I woke up at 4 am and almost RAN to the kitchen. I delighted in every bite of my left over indian food and gulped down two full bottles of water. Despite how exhausted I was, I felt invigorated! Throughout the day, my excitement over my new journey overrode any discomfort I was experiencing without food and water. I felt like I was a superhero all day long. I sat next to my father as he ate the most deliciously fragrant Thai beef soup. The smell made my mouth water for about thirty minutes straight, but the pride I felt at overcoming that particular challenge tasted better than the soup would have.
By the time the sun had set and I was ready to break my fast, I felt like I had really done well. I thought, “What was I thinking? This is going to be easy!” I guess this is why so much of my research had stated again and again that pacing yourself was the biggest key. It hasn’t been so easy since then.
Yesterday in particular was an overindulgent day. I had read in my English translation of the Quran that fasting was not done during sickness or travel. As I was flying from Philadelphia back to Miami, I allowed myself to eat WAY too much throughout the day. I gave myself all kinds of excuses to make myself feel better about it. “Well, the AC isn’t working so I would pass out if I wasn’t eating!” “I’ll make up for it after, so it’s okay.”
Despite my excuses and my lack of technical rule breaking, I did not feel good about it. I felt the weight of every bite of junk that I had eaten throughout the day. Today, back in my own home, enjoying my day off from work, fasting is HARD. I feel the rumbling in my stomach. I am so aware of the dryness in my mouth. I’m staring at the glaring “2:12” on my clock and wondering how I’m ever going to make it more than six more hours.
I can’t decide if I should start cooking or not. In my last trip to my kitchen I nearly convinced myself to devour EVERYTHING, but I have retreated back to my room to continue resisting. All I know is that if I don’t make it to sundown I will feel so disappointed in myself. If I continue fasting, reaching 8:15 is going to feel great. That alone is enough to keep me going today (and hopefully for about 16 or so more days). I will not allow myself to give up!
On a more positive note, the lack of self-indulgence in my day has led me on a path of productivity instead. I feel as if time is endless today. I have all the time for all of the projects and errands that I’m always putting off. Next up, I’ll challenge myself by heading over to pick up my groceries for the week. Wish me luck!
I will spend the remainder of my day reading the Quran and continuing my research until I find the strength to start cooking. I can’t wait to put my creativity for food to use. I will make this dinner a work of art rather than the lazy, sloppy meal that I usually throw together.
I feel that Ramadan is really about taking each day as it comes. As they say, “Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.”
In terms of religion, my faith in any single path is fairly lacking. I was raised in a Hindu household. I grew up with rich religious traditions. I look back on many memories of dressing up and going to the temple, attending many religious services, and hearing the stories of the Hindu gods and their histories. However, I never really knew what it all meant.
The majority of my classmates growing up were raised Christian. There was a handful of Jewish and Muslim children as well. I celebrated Christmas and participated in Easter egg hunts with just as much enthusiasm with the rest of the group. As a child, each religion comes with interesting stories and traditions, and its easy to get caught up in any one of them without knowing what it all really means.
The schools i attended always kept me well-informed on various aspects of other religions. We learned about Moses and Jesus. We studied the five pillars of Islam. We discussed karma and reincarnation. I attended a catholic high school, so my insight into the Christian world grew. I was lucky to have a school that cared to teach at least bits and pieces of these world religions. In college, my knowledge and interest grew through studying the literature of Buddhism, Judaism, and Christianity as well.
The more that I learn and the more people that I meet, the more fascinated I have become with religion. I’m very unsure of where I stand in terms of my own faith. I’m not sure that I believe in a god. I’m not even sure if I find it important to have that sense of devotion that I see in others. I can see how it makes people feel happy or secure to have faith in something greater than themselves, and I can appreciate that.
Religion has at times sort of rubbed me the wrong way. I cannot feel comfortable at the thought that only one religion can be the right way. How can anyone know that there’s is the right one and everyone else is wrong?
I believe religions were created as a way to help people find the right path to follow in life. Religions teach right from wrong. They demonstrate traditions and practices which join groups together. Each religion offers something I can learn from. I plan to engage myself in aspects of many different religions. My first exploration with be in Islam through the practice of Ramadan.
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